I Hate Crumbs

I hate crumbs. Of the quadrillion atoms that compose the nature pack of Doritos, I only scuffle with a fragment of it. To place such a high disregard on a favorable snack for entire generations to come sounds statistically absurd due to a couple of crumbs, but that one case changed 100% of my life. Late nights I would spend stressing over the grades I would need to achieve the chips were my only source of comfort. I grew up understanding that the world doesn’t function linearly, and education would be my only way out and that is the case for most kids in this school. I work hard to be acknowledged and for the people who continuously give their lives for my future to be validated. I want to know that for all my effort, for all the anger and perseverance I have done in my life, something good would have come from it. That I can now close my eyes for once in a while, but just when I would finish the packet of chips and finally be able to close my eyes, the crumbs were there. The crumbs were there just like my worries weren’t going anywhere. Potato Atoms follow me. I can’t get through a day without being reminded that while my friends went out daily taking life as a grain of salt with no crumbs seemingly by their side, I came home to a living room wall adorned with mold and a dining room table cluttered with paperwork since the start of the school year. I won’t claim that my situation is as unique as 1 in a quadrillion, but still is an exception to the rule -an outlier. The world is not meant for this special case.

The world wouldn’t abandon Doritos because of me, so I guaranteed different ways to avoid the Doritos predecessor, i.e. crumbs. I could get away from the crumbs if I stayed busy and followed the rules; you won’t have time to think about the crumbs if you’re too busy to even think about them. Any sore time that I had, I filled. I became known as the “busy kid”- the one everyone always asks, “How do you have time?” At a young age, I tried many things to help prove myself. Although my parents could not always be there or afford the activities, they found every opportunity for me to explore these hobbies.

Morning meetings, classes, lunch meetings, more classes, after-school meetings, basketball practices, making sure everyone in my team was still motivated, homework, repeat. Though my specific schedule has changed over time, the busyness has not. I couldn’t erase the looming fear the crumbles had caused me, but I could at least make sure I didn’t think about it. There were so many things in my life I couldn’t control, so I controlled what I could- my schedule. I found that school was something that I was good at. Earning good grades had always been the norm, so I never succumbed to the stress of overcommitting. I thrived.

It became a challenge to juggle it all, but I’d soon find my rhythm. But the rhythm was not what I wanted. Rhythm may not have the molecular compounds of a potato, but the crumbs sure liked to come by when I was idle. So, I added another project, and another, and another. Soon I noticed the same pattern of projects kept appearing- academics, politics, business, sports. I wanted to come into contact with these more and more, so I further narrowed the scope of various projects. Life became easier to juggle, but for the first time, I hadn’t added another occupation. I found my rhythm and embraced it. I stopped running away from a single crumb and embraced the whole pack due to my passion for projects. Passion has given me purpose. I was shackled by crumbs as I tried to escape the confines of the traditional social construct. No matter how far I ran, the crumbs stayed behind me because I kept looking back. I’ve finally learned to move forward instead of away, and it’s liberating. The crumbs got me moving, but it hasn’t kept me going. I wish I could end here, triumphant and basking in my new inspiration, but life is more convoluted.

Motivation is a double-edged sword, it keeps me moving forward, but it also keeps me from having to look back. I want to claim that I showed courage in being able to turn from the crumbs, but I can’t. Motivation is what keeps the crumbs at bay. I am not perfectly healed, but I am perfect at navigating the best way to heal myself. I don’t seek out sadness, so the crumbs must stay on the sidelines, and until I am completely ready, motivation is more than enough for me. In short, this is a message for all burnt-out north students. There are days when we all feel lonely, a lonely blossom in a brighter patch of broken promises. But, hey, I’ve always been a thorn in the side of injustice, disruptive, outspoken, and driven by a passion that extends beyond my conscious awareness. Above and above your curriculum and requirements. I’m here to illustrate that none of us at this school were born to be ordinary; we were destined to be comets. Dotting over time and space, leaving our imprint as we collide with everything. A crater is a reminder that something incredible occurred exactly here, leaving an everlasting effect on the planet and the students in the school. I am here today in hopes of turning content into rocket ships, so all the students can see their true potential from right where they stand. Together I plan to unite everyone so we can inspire galaxies of greatness for generations to come. The sky is not the limit; it is only the beginning for us.